Explaining Shared Custody to your Children

Shared custody between parents occurs when a judge allows guardianship and care for a child to both divorcing parents. Shared custody can be distinguished either by shared legal custody -such as religion or academics- and shared physical custody -which is how the child divides his time between both parents’ homes. Once the shared custody has been successfully determined, it’s important to know how to make the process of telling your children easier on everyone.

1. Create a unified agreement with your ex-spouse
Telling your children about divorce can be easier if both parents are together. The children must be ensured that even though the family structure will change, the family itself will remain together. If it is not possible to explain shared custody to your children with your spouse, it is important for both parents to make sure that they are each providing the same reassuring information without criticizing the other parent.

2. Don’t go into details
Detailed explanation of the issues between both partners would only place unnecessary emotional stress on the children. By criticizing the other parent in front of the child, it would confuse the child into leading them to believe that they must choose which parent they side with.

3. Emphasize the positive aspects
Emphasize to the children that both parents will have the opportunity to spend more quality one-on-one time with them as a result of the separation. Additionally, it also be helpful to explain that since both parents are separated, the tension previously felt by the children will no longer exist, making spending time with each parent more enjoyable.

4. Give them time to process
Give your child time to process the information and understand that they may go through various phases of anger, resentment, sadness, or trying to find ways to get you back together with your ex-spouse. It is vital to listen to your children’s emotions in order to help them feel safe and validated.


父母之间的共享监护权发生在法官允许离婚的父母都可以监护和照顾孩子时。 共享监护权可以通过共享的法定监护权和共同的实际监护权来区分。 一旦成功明确了共享监护权,了解如何向孩子说明父母间的共享监护权是很重要的一步。以下四点是我们为您总结的一些小提示:

1. 与您的前伴侣建立一个双方都同意的约定

2. 不要讲太多细节
对双方问题的详细解释只会给孩子带来不必要的情绪压力。 通过在孩子面前批评另一方,这会给孩子带来混淆困惑和不安,使他相信他必须在父母双方中选择一方。

3. 强调积极正向的一面
向孩子强调,分居之后父母双方都有机会与孩子一对一地度过更高质量的时间。 此外,向孩子说明由于父母双方分开了,以前在一起时会让孩子感受到的紧张情绪也将不再存在,这使得孩子与每个父母在一起的时间更加愉快也会对孩子有很大帮助。

4. 给孩子时间让他去理解消化